ONE FOOT IN….

I doubt many noticed, but I’ve been absent from this space for a while.

No I haven’t taken flight over a cuckoo’s nest. I‘ve just returned from ten days in hospital following major abdominal surgery and a rocky post-op. I’m still far from full medical recovery but have recovered sufficient grumpiness to at least try to make your lives miserable again. I was fortunate. I benefitted from the most magnificent surgical team led by the superb Mark Newnham (like HBO, simply the best);  the wonderful Derek Mitchell (famous with all his students for insisting “words have meaning”) who I didn’t even know was coming and Anesthetist Melody Isaacs who couldn’t have been more brilliant, attentive, caring and thorough.

I can’t forget the incalculable contribution behind the scenes of a medical couple (one very senior) who I know would rather remain unnamed; have been great family friends for years; and mentors to SputNick. They ensured everything was in place and most importantly provided an excellent fruit salad for post-op progress

Then the nurses at The Wing were wonderful especially the highly professional and efficient Nurse Brown and the kind, gentle and compassionate Nurse Inshanali (no relation to the 1970s mystery spinner). Special mention must be made of my two Gregory Isaacses, the magnificent Nurse Carter and the thoughtful and generous Nurse Moxam (who I was able to put in touch with a cousin she hadn’t yet met namely that well-known British Peer, the Earl of Moxam).

But the Leader of the Pack; the Boss of Bosses; the Jewel in the Crown was the Old Ball and Chain who conducted the entire orchestra. She put in ten consecutive 14 hour day shifts (16 hours the day of surgery) lovingly anxious to deal with my many indignities leaving only technical work to nurses like intravenous lines and delivery of medication. Every morning, before 6.30a.m., the pitter-patter of her sandals was heard outside the door and she stayed non-stop until after 9.00p.m. Every indignity was rewarded with a kiss.

The. Perfect. Wife!

So what happened while I was tuned out? I see Mark Golding wrote a letter of protest regarding the Constitutional Reform Committee’s (CRC) report that proves neither political party is interested in any real change. His big ticket item is, of course, the need to abolish Privy Council and replace it with CCJ which is an issue I can’t fathom why Government won’t just accept without any further shilly-shallying. But neither this issue nor the other petty matters he raised elsewhere affect one iota the matter of good governance in Jamaica. He’s all for the replacement of a white King by a black King as long as that black King is chosen for us by the political parties. He made not one single suggestion that would transfer a scintilla of power from the political parties to We the People. Insofar as Mark is concerned, the stranglehold that political parties currently hold over every aspect of governance is ok by him.

Time come to stop fooling ourselves. Both political parties want reform without change. JLP started this farce with the secret appointment of “representatives” unknown to those they were alleged to represent; a CRC incongruously and inappropriately chaired by the Minister of Constitutional Affairs and a leader of the Tivoli invasion; and an initially declared timeline for all CRC/Legislative work to be done that trumpeted Government’s intention for no change. PNP has co-operated throughout with this tragi-comedy until it could find an issue to be used for political mileage which doesn’t affect the governance status quo.

Bah. Humbug!

Then Mark stepped into a deep pile of brown stuff by stating his “personal” opinion that dual citizens should be allowed to sit in Parliament. In the words of the great Paul Keenes-Douglas, who tell him say so?

I’m ’Enery the eighth, I am
’Enery the eighth, I am, I am
I got married to the widow next door
She’s been married seven times before

And every one was an ’Enery (’ENERY!)
She wouldn’t have a Willie or a Sam (NO SAM!)
I’m her eighth old man named ’Enery
’Enery the eighth, I am

In the mid to late 1960s the Beatles kicked down the door to America and opened the floodgates for an invasion of lookalike bands including an oddball outfit called Herman’s Hermits led by the great Peter Noone. Spoof and comedy were their shtick. They found their most success with I’m ’Enery the eighth, I am, originally written in 1910 by Fred Murray and R. P. Weston and recorded in 1911 by a British Hall comedian named Harry Champion. Herman’s Hermits simply took the chorus, repeated it twice and made a huge hit out of the shortest pop song on record. It’s of course a satire on the infamous British Monarch Henry VIII.

What on God’s green earth was Mark Golding thinking? Was he? Did he not recall he was himself a dual citizen? Did he not realize how embarrassingly self-serving his proposition was? It seems he did because, after the inevitable nasty vitriolic backlash came from labourite hacks and trolls alike, he twisted in the wind for days spinning like a gig before confessing that he was a British Citizen. Then he retreated to the lawyer’s favourite refuge, the alternative defence, by pointing out it’s constitutional for a Commonwealth Citizen to be an MP. So why the artful dodging? Why not come out immediately and tell the truth; the whole truth; and nothing but the truth.

What was preventing him from saying so right away?

I’ll tell you what I think it is. Any intelligent Jamaican knows that this concept of exempting Commonwealth citizenship from the constitutional definition of “dual citizenship” is something imposed on us by Westminster to protect our former colonizers’ influence over us and is a distinction without a difference. In my opinion any allegiance to any foreign power should disqualify any member of the legislature. Andrew Holness has been as slippery on the subject suddenly restricting his earlier support for dual citizens in Parliament to MPs and not PM/LOOs. But any MP can become PM/LOO so what the framfrig?

Remember Nurse Carter? Her back story is fascinating. She spent her formative years in the beautiful City of Cienfuegos in south-west Cuba. Twenty-five years ago she was recruited by the Jamaican Ministry of Health. As a response to her seeking opportunity, Cuba banned her from returning for seven years. She stayed, married, has three lovely sons; and applied for and obtained her Jamaican citizenship by Naturalization. She is a proud Cuban-Jamaican and a magnificent contributor to our health care system. She is currently studying to improve her certification to midwife. If I were the voting type I would vote for Nurse Carter as Jamaican PM over a man who keeps hanging onto a citizenship he never acquired by birth in a nation that oppressed us for centuries. British citizens pledge fealty to Monarchs like Henry VIII who created his own church so he could divorce his first wife to marry his mistress, Anne Boleyn, then beheaded the mistress to marry again. And so on and so sixth. In my opinion, there’s something seemingly disloyal or at least suspiciously non-committal about clinging to British allegiance.

If Mark Golding wants to practice law in Jamaica for life, fine. If he wants to run the country he must renounce his British citizenship immediately. And real constitutional reform would erase the nonsensical distinction between commonwealth and non-commonwealth dual citizenship.

Remember Mark Newnham? He has permitted me to tell you that (he didn’t say to use his name but he has bullied me for ten days, so nyaaaaah) he hasn’t voted in the last three elections because there is nothing to vote for. He insists that it’s not enough for him to be anti-policy. Somebody must give him something to support. I couldn’t agree more. Also don’t get me started on the perpetual rant of the brainless that if you don’t vote you can’t criticize. Your voice in the nation’s affairs is directly proportional to the amount of taxes you pay. He who pays the Piper calls the tune!

Time come Mark. Step up to the plate. You keep calling yourself a Jamaican. Prove it.

Peace and Love

Tags: Andrew Holness, Dual Citizenship, Henry VIII, Herman's Hermits, Mark Golding, Mark Newnham, Nurse Carter, Surgery